Dear Mommy

July 7, 1994
Age 7
Dear Mommy,
Daddy said you left the world today to live with the angels up in heaven. He said you won’t be here anymore so I can’t talk to you no more. Granma says I can write to you, but you can’t write back. Member wen you told me that wen you were a little girl you use to write in a diary? Well I found it today mommy wen I was helping daddy clean out your closet. I didn’t tell him I found it because I new he’d make me throw it away, he threw everything away…Granma said I should write to you whenever I feel sad, so I think ill write you every July 7th cause that’s the day you went to see the angels. I no you will be watching me with the angels, but ill still write you and tell you everything that happens! Does that sound like a good idea mommy? I think it is and so does grandma. Everyone keeps talking about cancer mommy. They keep saying that it was the cancer that took you away. Who is cancer mommy your friend? Is he with you and the angels? Do you like the angels mommy? Are they shinny and beautiful like you said? Do they have big soft wings mommy? I hope so. I can’t wait to see the angels mommy then I can be with you! Daddy wont stop crying mommy neither will Willy and Billy, but maybe that’s cause there babies. Every ones been crying mommy but not me! Cause I’m your strong girl! Member wen you said that! You said I’ll always be your strong girl! Don’t worry mommy ill take care of Willy and Billy but not that much cause there to little for me to hold them. Ill take care of daddy to mommy ill help him stop crying. I love you mommy ill see you and the angels soon I hope!
Love, Brooke

July 7th 1995
Age 8
Dear Mommy,
See mommy I told you I would write you on July 7th! I promised you I would! How are the angels mommy? Are they nice? Are you ever ganna come back mommy? I always ask daddy, but he just gets mad at me and he says no! shes never coming back! But I think you will mommy. Willy and Billy are 1 now! They look exactly alike but Willy has 1 dimple and Billy has 2! That’s how I can tell them apart. Ive been doing really good in school mommy! Art is my favorite class! I love to draw and my teacher says im very talented! I draw pictures for daddy all the time but he always loses them. Daddy works a lot. He works from early in the morning till really late! We always have a babysitter but shes really boring she doesn’t play with me. She likes Willy and Billy though cause there really cute. But I don’t need to play with her cause I have a new friend! His names Adian and he’s 9. And mommy guess what! We found out that my name means water and his name means fire! Isn’t that cool mommy! He’s my best friend. We do everything together. We like to play down at the pond on the hot days, Adian’s daddy built a tire swing for us! He’s really nice he owns Mayberry lumber yard. I miss you mommy. I think Willy and Billy do to. I no daddy does I can hear him talking to God at night praying to bring you back. I still haven’t cried yet mommy, but daddy still does. I can hear him crying at night. He sometimes calls out your name. Don’t worry mommy im still ganna take care of the twins and daddy. I love you mommy.
Love, Brooke

July 7th 1996
Age 9
Dear mommy,
I miss you mommy. Every day I miss you. School is getting really hard but art class is still my favorite. I like drawing the most. Sometimes I draw me, daddy, Willy, and Billy and you flying over us. I showed one of those pictures to daddy once but he ripped it up. Me and Adian found an old tree house in the woods behind his house. His daddy helped us rebuild it and it looks really nice mommy. Sometimes I go sleep there when daddy gets home cause sometimes he’s really mean. Willy and Billy are crawling now. They crawl everywhere. They still don’t talk yet but they both try to. I just don’t understand what they are saying. Granma visits us a lot. She tells me she misses you too. She usually comes at night and tucks us in cause I don’t like it when the babysitter tucks me in. Granma sings me to sleep every night but when I wake up in the morning shes not there. I wish we lived with Granma maybe daddy wouldn’t be so mean all the time. I found a small picture of you and put it in the locket you got me for my 5th birthday. I always wear it even when im sleeping. I miss you mommy and don’t worry mommy I haven’t cried yet. I love you mommy.
Love, Brooke

July 7th 1997
Age 10
Dear Mommy,
You no what I wish for when I blow out the candles on my birthday cake mommy? I wish for you. I no I told you that I was ganna still be your strong girl but I cant anymore mommy. I cry all the time. Daddy is always angry and Willy and Billy always cry. The only place I can go to be alone and write to you is in me and Adian’s tree house. We spend a lot of time there together. I like to go down to Adians daddys work sometimes. Its a lot of fun. We get to sit and watch all of the trees get cut down. The saw dust looks like snow only its brown, not white. In the winter I have school, so I don’t see Adian much cause his mommy home schools him. I wouldn’t want to be home schooled I like school mommy. All my teachers say that I am very smart, Granma says I get it from you. I don’t like to leave school. My babysitter is living at our house now. Her names Vicky, but me and Adian call her Icky Vicky. She sleeps in daddys room with him. I don’t like her. She smells like cigarettes and beer. She takes care of Willy and Billy though. She likes them, but not me I think its cause im a girl. I helped Willy and Billy learn how to walk mommy. They actually run more than they walk. Willy always falls though cause hes really clumsy. I don’t see Granma a lot anymore. Her and daddy got into a big fight one day I think it was about the babysitter. She calls me sometimes, but she doesn’t come to tuck me in anymore. I tuck myself in now and I hum her song. I liked it when you sang me to sleep. You sounded so beautiful. Granma coughes a lot when she sings it cause I think she always has a cold. I sang it to Willy and Billy once. They really liked it. I sang it to Adian once to but he said it was for babies so I don’t sing it to him anymore. I saw my first shooting star the other day. Adian said we had to make a wish and it would come true. I was ganna wish for you again mommy but instead I wished that me and Adian would be best friends forever. He told me he wished the same thing to I just hope it comes true. I love you and miss you mommy.
Love, Brooke


July 7th 1998
Age 11
Dear Mommy,
I hate it here mommy. I just wanna die and come live with you and the angels. And I could bring Willy and Billy to. Vicky hits me a lot. She says if I tell daddy she’ll hurt Willy and Billy to. I hate her. Daddy got hurt at work. He lost 3 fingers on his left hand on one of the machines. He stays at home now, but they still pay him. I thought it would be different having him stay home but its not. He sits in his chair all day and drinks beer and some rum. Him and Vicky smoke a lot of cigarettes to. Vicky works all day at the liquor store down the street so its just me the twins and daddy. Daddy made me get out of school cause he needs my help to watch Willy and Billy. There getting really big mommy. There talking a little bit to. They say my name and I taught them how to say yours. I sing to them every night mommy. Granma stopped calling. Daddy and Vicky said it was cause she doesn’t love me no more. I still get to see Adian though. He comes over in the afternoon to play and help me watch Willy and Billy. He told me I had to be his girlfriend. I thought I already was but he said that I had to hold his hand now too. Its kinds gross cause he always has sweaty hands. I like being with Adian. Hes really nice and I feel safe with him. I don’t like when Vicky comes home. She makes me eat dinner in my room and I have to stay there all night. She comes in around 6 and takes my plate. Sometimes she hits me if I don’t eat all my food. So I make sure I eat it all even though its always cold. I hide all my letters that I write to you under one of the floor boards under my bed. I think Vicky would through them away. I miss and love you mommy.
Love, Brooke

July 7th 1999
Age 12
Dear Mommy,
Did it hurt when you died? I asked Adian if it does and he said he didn’t no. I wonder If it does. Adian said that his daddy said that people that kill themselves go to Hell. I wanna go to Heaven with you. Vicky doesn’t hit me no more. Daddy does though. Only if I do something bad though. One time I dropped when of his beers and it got all over him. He got really mad and hit me in the face. He hit Billy once to cause he wouldn’t stop crying. Vicky found out about it but daddy just hit her to then hurt me again cause he thought I told her. I lock Willy and Billy in my room with me all day till Vicky gets home. The only times I leave the room is at 7:00 am to get daddy his breakfast. Then at 12:00 to get him his lunch. Sometimes he yells for me to get him more beers. I make Willy and Billys food early in the morning so all I have to do is heat it up real quick. Adians not aloud over anymore so I only see him when I sneak out to the tree house at night sometimes. Im always scared Daddy or Vicky will catch me. Adian kissed me one time on one of the bruises on my cheek it hurt really bad but it also felt nice. It reminded me of you cause you always use to kiss me on the cheek. I wish you were here mommy to make all of this go away. I love and miss you mommy.
Love, Brooke

July 7th 2000
Age 13
Dear Mommy,
My teacher once told me that your teenage years are suppose to be the best years of your life, boy was she wrong. Sometimes I think living in Hell wouldn’t be so bad. What could be worse than this? Adian told me that God and all of his angels are watching down on us. If God was watching down on me why hasn’t he stopped Daddy. Daddy does more than hit, smack, and punch me. I didn’t no what it was called till I read it in one of my books. I wanted to tell Adian or even Vicky, but I just couldn’t say the word. I constently cry mommy. And my body always hurts. He calls me by your name sometimes. I hate it. Ive thought about running away, but I cant. I cant leave Willy and Billy behind. I wish I could tell Adian, but I cant. Cause he would tell his dad and they might take me away. I cant leave the twins mommy. Theres nothing I can do.

July 7th 2001
Age 14
Dear Mommy,
I have a set schedule now. My entire day, no life schedule, I wake up at 5am. I am to clean the house and make breakfast for him and the twins. After breakfast he drinks and watches his game shows till around 10 then I am dragged out of my room and into his. At 12 I make the twins and his lunch. At 3 I am once again dragged by my hair into his room. Vicky gets home at 5 and starts dinner. I am aloud out of my room at 9 to take a bath, but the baths never wash away the filth I feel. After my bath I am locked in my room for the night. Of course I don’t sleep because I always think he will come in. When I wake up it is the same routine.

July 7th 2002
Age 15
Dear Mommy,
I’m still following my schedule. The only difference is I’m not dragged out of my room anymore I’m summoned. He knows I can’t fight him anymore, I’m too weak. He threatens to hurt the twins if I fight. Vicky knows about everything, but does she do anything about it, of course not. She beats me even more now because I am “stealing her spot.” Adian is the only thing on this planet that can take me away from reality. I go to see him every night at our tree house. I told him everything but sworn him to secrecy. I told him that I and the twins would be killed if anyone ever found out. He’s my only protection. The thing told me that if Adian ever came by the house again he would kill me, so of course Adian doesn’t come by anymore. I found out Granma died. I hope she’s in heaven with you. I hate her for not taking me away from this place.